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Help: I Just Lost The Only Person Who Ever Really Believed In Me

Hello ma,

Please I need your advice. I am just made a terrible mistake and I am about to loose the only man who truly loved me. I was in a relationship with my baby daddy for four years. I think I stayed that long because I wanted or hoped he would eventually choose to marry because of our son.

However, my baby daddy never treated me right. He cheated on me with several women,he abused me both physically and emotionally. I tried to make things work,I did everything a woman could possibly do but he only made me more and more miserable.

I lost my self esteem,I even began to believe no one would ever love me…that is what he used to say.He used to say that he is managing to be with me cos I am not smart or attractive and that there are many ladies who are finer than me that he could have.

I left my baby daddy almost two years ago. It was not easy but God sent me a very good man. We became friends for almost five months before we began to date. I never thought I could find a man so nice..I almost couldn’t believe it. This man brought himself down to teach me self love and respect.

When we started dating,he said no sex until we get married. I thought he was joking nut after a year of dating,all we ever did was kiss. I couldn’t count my luck. It also made me very apprehensive. I tried to protect him from other women. If I caught any woman looking at him,I would ask them to back off.

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My behavior embarrassed him and he kept telling me I should not bother. Exactly two months ago,he asked us to fast and pray for our future together. I never liked fasting but this man drew me closer to God so I tried a little. After fasting and prayers,he proposed to me. He said he wanted to hear from God clearly if I was the one for him.

I was so happy. My life was about to change. All these while ma,my baby daddy will be sending me messages,begging me,that he loves only me out of all the other women. But I did not listen to him. Until after my engagement,something happened.

It was like after my engagement,me and my man will be arguing so much all the time. Argument about little things. One day,the argument grew out of hand and we said some things to each other. I said the one that hurt most.

I said something like: he is always treating me like he is better than me because of my past,because I have a baby before now. Actually,I always feel that way but he always encourage me. How can a young man of 31 marry a lady like me with a son already? When there are many young girls without children he can chose from?

My self esteem,no matter how much he tried to reassure me,sometimes makes me do or say some things to hurt him. This time,he got annoyed with me and said if I feel I am not good enough,then we should break up. That hurt me. I foolishly said he should get out. He asked me if I was sure….I said to hell with your self righteous…. ****

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That was almost 3 weeks ago. I called and called him later,he refused to listen to my begging after. I was heart  broken. He actually traveled to Kaduna after our fight so I though he had completely given up on me. I cried and cried.

My baby daddy came and usually I would not speak to him but I was vulnerable and he comforted me. We had sex and I regretted it immediately. I told him to go and I blocked his number. Three days lady,my fiance showed up. He and I made up. I totally see how much patient he has been with me and I am ready to make amends.

He looked at me and said something changed with me. I could not hold back,it was like the guilt was killing me.I told him how I mistakenly slept with my BD….he looked at me like he saw a horror film. He did not say a word…he just took off. I have been begging and calling and asking for forgiveness.

He says he needs to pray to ask God again about me cos all I do is break his heart after all he has done for me. This last three days has been hell for me.I need someone to help me beg him. I have been praying to God to touch his heart. I do not want to loose him..

Please tell me what can I do to get him back?

 

Rosemary (Not real name)

 

Jos

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello Rosemary,

    You cannot do anything now. Infact,I advise you do nothing but pray.

    Your man is obviously a man of prayers. He is not one that can be pushed to anything without being sure…So let both of you do nothing but pray…God will help you both

    You,on the other hand,you have to keep working on your self. Because your BD tried to break you does not mean you should remain broken. A new man dared to believe in you,how about you do yourself that same favour and believe in yourself?

    Stop over reacting….do some self reflection…who are you?…what do you want…what do you deserve?

    Tell yourself,you are a child of God,you want all the good things God has planned for you and you deserve the best in life….

    This man knows how broken you are….he is conflicted if he will ever be enough for you…if he can really fix you…or if you will remain broken…you need to show him you can be and do better

    Give him something. You can tell him you too are fasting and praying: let him see some real effort from your side. Let him know that you have faith in yourself…..and you better keep that promise

    One day at a time…let him cool off…..later on,let him know you are ready to do whatever it takes to be the better version of you for him to appreciate….that is all you can do

    Lets hope he hears from God again and he sees the efforts you are making to be better….

    Cheers!

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