Help: I Am Having Second Thoughts About Getting Married

1

Hello ma,

Please advice me. I have been engaged for almost two years and I am beginning to have cold feet. The truth is I love my fiance. He is cool and very good to me. I have dreamt of nothing but spending the rest of my life with him. However,I do not see that happening even though we have been engaged for almost two years.

The problem has to do with his family ma. He is the first born son of his family. His younger ones and his parents depend on him financially and he is yet to be financially stable. We met during our service year,dated for just a few months before we got engaged. He is 28,I am 29.

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Ma,his parents are struggling. Their business which is a family restaurant is not doing as good as before. They also have four siblings who are in University and secondary school. So,the salary he makes is to just distribute to them every month. Because of this,he says he would prefer to wait for things to be better for his parents before getting married.

He says he will feel selfish if he gets married now because of his family situation. I work and have a good job. I also send my parents money from time to time but they do not depend solely on me. I do not want to be selfish but my fiance puts his family before us. This is why I am getting cold feet ma.

How do I handle this? Do I wait for him as he said,for things to get better for his family before we get married? How long will that be?Months,years?…or is this a sign of the fact that he is not ready to get married? Should I move on and find someone else? I am not getting any younger.

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Its cute how he cares about his family but this is giving me feelers like his family will always come first if we get married? Am I wrong or right?

I need your advice and that of the house.

 

From Anonymous LS Telegram Member

 

Photo Credit:GoodHouseKeeping

 

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1 COMMENT

  1. Hello,

    This is quite sensitive. You need to talk to your fiance. First,both of you need a plan. When have you fixed for the wedding? Is there a definite plan or are you just waiting until things work out with his folks?

    Does he have a plan for his folks? How he help them and for how long….its good to help family when they are struggling but this should never be at the expense of that person who is trying to help.

    If he wants to get married,he should get married and focus on raising his own family…somehow,his family will survive. His duty is to send some financial assistance to them now and again…he cannot be totally responsible for them

    So,let both of you have a heart to heart….have a plan and work towards it….engagement or courtship should not be for too long…otherwise,you let go.

    Also,clearly,you guys also have to talk about finances ….how will you both help your parents financially when you marry. Like I said,its a good thing to help your family but it should never be at the detriment of your own happiness.

    Ask your fiance the hard questions…his response will determine what you will do.

    If after you discuss and you still do not find reassurance,then let go. You do not want to be seen as that woman who their son married and is preventing him from helping them,not knowing their son can barely keep up.

    Above all,pray about this. Pray and ask God for direction.

    All will be fine.

    Cheers!

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