He Wants To Be A Pastor – I Am Afraid Of Being A Pastor’s Wife

Hello Jzhane,
I am in a dilemma and I need your candid advice.
My guy that I am with says he wants to be a pastor and I don’t want to be a pastors wife. Infact I have prayed to God that I don’t want that ,now I don’t know what to do because he says that I should decide what to do and I don’t know what to do.
We are both Pentecostal and he’s an elder in his church I initially thought he will like to be a pastor in the church we attend and I said ok even though I had a bit of problem with it but some few days ago he said he wanted to start his own church and it’s putting a strain on the relationship.
I don’t have any reason against pastors wives but I just don’t have the passion for it what do you think I should do. I just don’t want to become a pastors wife
I love my man but I cannot see myself being a pastor’s wife,please advice me.
Photo Credit:Gistmania
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  1. Hello,

    Two questions for you:
    1. Do you love him enough to support his dreams and ambitions even the call of God on his life?

    2. Do you love God enough to the point where you can give up anything to serve him?

    If your answers to the questions above is yes…then you will be fine…go ahead and marry the man…

    However,if your answer is NO…then take a walk now

    Your fears are valid…being a pastor’s wife means you do not own your husband 100%

    You share your husband with God and the people he is called to serve: the church

    However,it is a calling that has fulfillment.

    All you just need to do is remind yourselves all the time about the questions above….

    The reward you get from serving other people as a pastor’s wife is indescribable. You must be selfless in the calling

    From time to time,take stock of your life and ensure the family is kept happy and safe

    People will try to be in your lives and space. You will hardly have any privacy but if you withstand all,you will be so fulfilled.

    Its up to you…answer the two questions above and make your choice

    Note: even if you do not marry a pastor,who ever you marry ,there will still be challenges…that’s life for you

    The best thing to do is not to shy away from challenges but to face them head long and win all the time.

    Spend some time to pray and let God lead you my dear.

    I wish you all the best.

  2. Hello,

    You mentioned you ‘don’t have the passion for it’, is there any other reason why you will not like to be a Pastor’s wife? You may have a wrong perception of what it entails. Some ‘Big’ Pastors today did not fancy the idea of being a Pastor when God called them, Moses struggled too, He gave excuses that He was a stammer, Gideon in the Bible said ‘”Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”’ So you are not alone.

    You don’t have to be perfect to be a Pastor’s wife or be on ‘performance mode’ – putting up an act, just love God and your husband, cultivate your relationship with the Holy Spirit in prayers, the word and ask the Holy Spirit to help you, give you a passion for the lost and His work – He is your Counsellor, which means “one who is called alongside”, He’ll be with you every step of the way to empower you with wisdom, strengthen you, igniting the right desires and guiding you. It does not stop you from developing your career, getting a job etc. ( depending on the depth of the call).

    It is a good place, a platform where you can invest more in spiritual things with lasting rewards.

    It is a role where you will need to support your Husband in every way as His Help mate.

    ‘Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the Apostles, the Prophets, the Evangelists, and the Pastors and Teachers’. Eph 4:11

    The office of a Pastor is a call. If your Husband believes He is called to start His ministry, it has to be handled in wisdom, preferably He prays deeply and the minister where He is releases Him with Blessings but it is good for Him to continue to have a Godly ‘Father’ figure He submits to . If He becomes a Pastor you will find that like you, He is not perfect, though He has a good heart to do right, so you’ll love Him and help each other but it will not exempt you from the challenges of life.

    If your Husband is convinced He is called to start His ministry, you may go through seasons of loneliness, seasons where you are trusting God financially, trusting for a venue, calling forth whatever you want to see, members, growth, doubt, going the extra mile for nursing mothers, visiting the sick, organising events, going for evangelism, keeping your husband satisfied as much as possible, respecting him , WATCHING and making smart decisions to ensure your family unit is ok but the grace is available. It may sound overwhelming but just take it one day at a time, as you develop your walk more in Christ He will guide you on things to do which will make a significant difference.

    Being a Pastors wife does not stop you from enjoying your life and doing ‘Godly’ things you enjoy individually, as a couple and family.

    Please pray about the decision to marry the individual ‘ your fiancé’ and if you have green lights, go but if not let it pass.

    All the best.


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