He Refused To Marry Me Cos Of My Age But I Still Have Feelings For Him

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Good Evening ma,

I dated my ex boyfriend for four years but he refused to marry me. The first two years,he kept telling me to be patient that he still had things to put in place before thinking of marriage. I was patient with him until the fourth year when I couldn’t take it any longer. I told him to marry me or I leave. That was when he told me he had no plans to marry me cos of the age difference between us.

You see,I am seven years older than him. He didn’t mind that when we started to date. So I was quite shocked that was his reason for refusing to marry me. I asked him why he deceived me for so long,why didn’t he break up earlier,he said he liked the sx. So apparently,he was just with me for the sx,nothing more. I felt so hurt and I left him.

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Since I broke up with him,its been almost two years. He has moved on to another woman. They got married within months. Their marriage was not up to one year before my ex started to disturb me for s*x. He came back saying I am the best he ever had and he cant stay away from me. I initially fought him off but not for long because,I still loved him and I was not seeing anyone.We got back together and I fell heavily for him. He used to tell me how much he thinks about me when he is with his wife. He said he was a coward for letting me go and he regrets marrying his wife.

Most times I felt bad cos I knew I was cheating with a married man but I asked God for my own,and He is yet to answer me. I am not a small girl,I have needs and its like no serious guy is coming for me so far. I still felt bad all the same so I decided to end it for real this time. Its as if God heard my prayer. I met a guy immediately I broke off with my ex. I started seeing someone who genuinely took interest in me. But two weeks after,I discovered I was pregnant. It was definitely for my ex. I had only slept with this new guy once and it was with protection. I am confused on whether to tell my ex or not.

I have always wanted to get pregnant cos at 43,I was always wishing I had a child. I am getting older and I dont have a steady relationship not to talk of husband. I was overjoyed at the idea I finally was able to get pregnant. But I don’t know how my new guy will react if I tell him its not his. I suspect he will end things with me. So I am going to have to claim that the pregnancy is his. I would have to act fast before I start showing. I would have to convince him to stop using protection when we meet from now on. On the other hand,I  wonder if I should tell my ex. I truly love him and I know he still wants me but he is stuck with his new wife.

What do you think I should do? Do you think that if I told my ex about the baby,he would probably leave his wife for me? Maybe not? Should I just forget about my ex and pin the pregnancy on my new man? I cannot afford to loose either of the men,who do I go for,my ex or my new man?

Your candid advice please. If you post this,I will accept any comments from the readers.I am not proud of how I got to this place but all I want is true advise to help me make the best choice.

Thank you.

Angie,

Ijegun

 

Photo Credits: LiveAbout

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

9 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Angie,

    I think Ultimately.you know the right thing to do. Please dont pin another man’s pregnancy on another man.

    Let your new guy know,if he still wants you after,all well and good. If not,please move on.

    Tell your ex about the pregnancy then please leave him alone. If you can,relocate somewhere else so you can stop seeing your ex. Let him concentrate on his marriage.

    You may have to start thinking about being a single mother to the beautiful baby you are going to have. There is nothing wrong about that. Just try not to make mistakes like this one again. Find a man who will love you for you. But start by loving yourself and being happy about where you are now. Life isn’t perfect,you don’t need a man to complete you.

    Find God my sister,let Him give you peace and contentment.

  2. Lies will not help you in this situation, you better tell your present man the truth about your pregnancy and allow your ex to live with his wife. Lying to your man will only make things worst cos eventually the truth will definitely come out some day. So my candid advice is for you to come out clean, tell your ex you’re pregnant with his child, tell your man you’re pregnant for your ex and let him decide if he still wants to be with you or not. Lying will only make your life more complicated

  3. Girl,come clean,no lies to ur new guy. Go ahead to tell the father of ur baby nd enjoy having the beautiful gift frm God.
    Commit to God he will grant ur heart desires.

  4. U have to face d consequences of ur action. Accepting back an ex that slept with u for 4 yrs and dumped you for his present wife is d life time mistake that will ever live with u. If not b/c u refused to tarry anymore u would have find ur ideal man in your present boy frd.

    Don’t pin your pregnancy on the innocent man b/c in d future i will bomarang big time.

    Tell the owner of pregnancy and prepared for d reaction.

    Tell the present man the truth also and see what happened.

    Good luck.

    • One thing is sure. Your ex doesn’t love you. Don’t pin it on the new guy. When you tell your ex you’re pregnant for him. The first question is, what? No, don’t tell me it’s true. What do I tell my wife? Why did you let it happen? How many questions now. Just answer him ok. nolNi problem. Don’t abort the pregnancy giant reason,please.Tell your new boyfriend friend the truth. But he will ask you , Where is the guy? How old is the stuff? Does he know about it? But prepare your heart to be a single parent just for the LOVE you have for your ex. It’s just a moment the pain and shame then you start enjoying the fruit of love. “It’s better being a single parent than being childless”. But I know your ex will sure show up his face one day. Then you will ask your own question with boldness.

  5. Tell your ex you are pregnant for him but also tell the guy in your life that you are pregnant for your ex. Don’t negotiate any kind of come back with your ex. He is not for you. My prayer is that the new man in your life will consider keeping you with the baby. It can happen cos it has happened before so don’t rule it out, afterall you did not cheat on him rather it happened before you met him. Please whatever happens keep the baby…..at least that’s one thing that you have always wanted. Finally seek God’s forgiveness cos having sex before marriage is not right in the first place and then ask the holy spirit to teach you how to go about this revelation to the two guys, the holy spirit will teach you what to say. I hope it goes well for you in Jesus name

  6. Inform the father of the child and take care of yourself and that of the baby as a single mother. Life goes on dear

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