Thursday, February 27, 2020
Home Advice He Is Going Around Telling People That I Am A Wicked Woman

He Is Going Around Telling People That I Am A Wicked Woman

Micheal (not real name) and I have been married for 8 Years. God blessed him with a big job which was paying so much so he said I should stop working and take care of the home and the children.

The arrangement was fine but I noticed he was always cheating on me. That was the only problem. He traveled alot and everywhere he traveled to,there were girls following him. We quarreled about it but he would deny everything but I knew it.

I would see chats,nudes of girls. I would even see bank alerts of him sending money to girls. For the fist 4 years of our marriage,it was fight every time because of cheating. I decided to let him be cos people were telling me that every rich man must cheat.

As time went on,I began to tell him to make savings and let us start a project so that we can move into our own place. He kept telling me that he will buy a property in Lekki,that I should not worry.

Well,God gave me wisdom and I saved money from what he used to give to me. I began to build something in Ipaja. Under 2 years,I finished it. I started investing in lands. I will buy and sell like 2 years after. I also built and started a school. Things were going well for me. I focused my energy on my business and allowed my husband to continue cheating.

Around the middle of last year,My husband’s company packed up. The owners who are foreigners left the country. Before long,my husband spent all his savings on girls.Not up to 2 months after he lost his job,he started to beg me for money.

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I was giving him 20k every week. But I knew he has to get a job cos I cannot continue like this. The worst is that he still spends the money I give to him on girls. Most of the girls have left him…only the hungry ones remained.

I decided to stop giving him money in October. I asked him to get a job. He keeps saying there is no job. Meanwhile,he gets jobs and refuses to accept them cos they were not going to pay him like his former job. He is living in a fantasy.

Now,he is going around telling people that I am being wicked when he is the one that has been carrying the family all these years. That I am maltreating him,not giving him food or assisting him financially.

Everyone is talking about me,in our family,that I am a wicked woman. I want to kill the man etc. No one is seeing that the more I give him money,the more he spends on girls and he will never take up a job. Fine,I have a school but its not making as much money as it should.

I am the one totally responsible for taking care of our four children. Trying to maintain the standard we have been used to. At the end of our rent here,I said we will move to my property in Ipaja but he says no…but where do we get money to pay another rent when he does not have a job?

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He is putting me under pressure yet he still cheats on me….how am I supposed to be happy to even give him the little I have?does he want us to go completely broke before he decides to get his life back on track?…his people dont want to advise him.Instead they see me as wicked…

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Tell me,what else should I do?

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello,

    This is dicey. Its ok to feel bad that he does not have a job to support you but remember he supported you when he had one. I think the main issue for you is because he is spending when what you give him girls.

    He maybe thinking that since you allowed the cheating when he had money,he also expects you to accept it even when he does not have money.

    Just call for a family meeting: let them know the reasons for your actions. Let them know that he is refusing to pick up jobs and he is spending money on girls. He may deny it but if its obvious,people may understand your point better.

    I would also say,if you have enough,keep giving him just enough to get by…not enough to spend on girls though….the reason is,marriage is a partnership. One may be down today,the one up must lift up the other that is down.

    Do what you have to do. Pray for him to change. Be kind to him. Overlook his flaws. Just keep talking to him in love and pray that he drops these habits.

    In the meantime,be smart enough not to allow his sentiments allow you go broke. Because for now,you are the main breadwinner.

    Cut your clothes according size. You may not be able to continue living the way you used to and you do not have to listen to anyone or try to impress anyone.

    You seem like a hardworking woman…please stay strong and look after your family…this is a phase..it will come to pass. Just dont let your home scatter in the midst of the storm.

    Pray for your husband…may God give him and you wisdom.

    Cheers!

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