Friday, December 13, 2019
Home Advice He Broke My Heart & I Took Revenge-Is This My Reward?

He Broke My Heart & I Took Revenge-Is This My Reward?

Dear admin,

My story is a long one but I will try my best to make it as short as possible.

When I started dating James, he introduced me to his boss,Aunty Lillian. He credited her for being the one who mentored him and showed him the business he was doing. James,at his age 28th is doing quite well for himself. A young man with great prospects. He seemed to put away every form of female distractions.

This made me quite comfortable with James. Everyone congratulated me on finding such a young man with integrity. With me,infidelity has never been an issue. I am well disciplined in that regard. We got married in 2014. Had my first child in 2015. Aunty Lillian plays the role of Aunty in our lives. Always there to advice and sometimes support even financially.

Since 2016,I noticed a change in James behaviour that made me report him to Aunty after trying everything I could. James seemed to be more concerned about making money. His business (he had established himself )was thriving but he seemed to be pushing so hard to stay ahead to the extent of spending less and less time with his family.

I became lonely. Even when he was around,I did not enjoy s*x anymore as James could hardly go 2 minutes before he was done. I was so surprised at this change in my husband. I tried to be as supportive as I could. I prayed and prayed. I cried and cried too.

I started to think that James loved his work more than me. I never suspected he was cheating because of his kind of person. So,Aunty Lillian was my confidant. She promised to talk to him. She did,according to her but he did not change. He would promise to adjust but he never did. She encouraged me to keep praying for her.

Eventually,I let myself believe that marriage was not only about the good, I learnt to adjust to my situation. I was not prepared for such un-happiness but I had no choice. I wanted to stop fighting my husband for the little time he even had to spend with his family.

This continued until 2018. Aunty Lillian and her husband,Uncle Tunji whom everyone adored and respected got divorced. I was so shocked. I asked my husband what happened,he said he does not know that he does not ask Aunty Lillian about their marriage but that he suspected Uncle TJ to be cheating or so.

I tried to comfort Aunty and pray for the restoration of their marriage. As God planned things,I traveled one day to US and Uncle TJ turned out to be on the same flight as me. We sat together after greeting each other. We chatted on the flight. He was happy to see me. I asked him what happened to his marriage and he looked at me with such surprise.

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It took him a few seconds to realize that I did not know the true cause of the breakup of his marriage. He held my hand and apologized for being the one to break the news to me. He told me his wife and my husband were having an affair. He suspected for years,he had no proof until the day he set them up and caught them red handed.

I was in shock. I did not want to believe him. Nooooooooo,not my James,my upright James…my Mr integrity. I wept profusely. Now,everything became clear. I know understood why James and Aunty Lillian never seemed to be bothered about my complaints. They must have been laughing at my pain while Aunty encouraged me to to keep praying.

I cried through out the flight. Uncle TJ just kept apologizing,as if he was the one who hurt me instead of my husband and his ex wife. When we landed,he offered to follow me to my brother’s house to make sure I was ok. But I told him my brother was picking me at the airport. He walked me to meet my brother. I burst into tears as soon as I saw my brother. Uncle TJ left and promised to call me later.

I was in sorrow. I mourned as if my husband died not only cheated. My brother was very angry but everyone justĀ  kept asking me to take heart and find courage to forgive my husband. I came to the US for a conference. I could barely concentrate. I needed to speak to my husband. I could not wait to come back to Nigeria to confront him.

I called him the third day I was in US. I blurted it out: James,I met Unlce TJ,he said you are having an affair with Aunty,that is why their marriage broke up,please tell me that is not true? …..James was silent for a few seconds like seemed like a decade…I was mad with anger and frustration….all he said was: honey,please let us talk when you come back…he cut off and I went livid.

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My brother got a call from him. He was begging my brother to help beg me and calm me down. My brother only asked him how long he had been having this affair…my husband just kept begging and saying he loves me and he is sorry. My brother told him how disappointed everyone was.

That evening,Uncle TJ called me. He encouraged me to stop crying and start thinking of moving on. He invited me to see a movie with him. We went to see Black panther. It just came out. I tried to enjoy my time out. Uncle TJ put his hand around me during the movie.The theater was cold. I felt so warm and strangely electrified by Uncle TJ’s touch.

After the movie,he kissed me in the theater. I do not know what happened but I kissed him back. Maybe it was because I was in a messed up state or I just wanted to move on or hurt my husband who hurt me…but kissing another man that night was such an arousing feeling. I had not had s*x in several months. The feel of a man grabbing my boobs was so hot,I could not let go.

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We got into the cab afterwards,drove straight to his place and made mad passionate love. I was not thinking. It felt so good to experience orgasm after so long. I asked him why his wife left him when he was so good in bed. He laughed and said his wife always loved s*x more than him and he had to keep up with her. Obviously,he was not enough for her,hence her cheating.

I felt anger again. Angered that Aunty was s*xing her husband and mine and still could not get satisfied while I got nothing. Uncle TJ apologized to me for taking advantage of my vulnerability at the time. It felt good. I did not feel bad. He dropped me off that night and for the first time since I found out about my husband’s indiscretion,I slept really well.

A week later,I returned to Nigeria. My husband and I went through a rough part. It was hard knowing what I knew about him. All I could picture when he tried to make love to me was him with Aunty and I would pretend it was Uncle TJ that was f**king me.It was really a dark time. No one really understood how I was feeling.

I have forgiven my husband. What can I do? I never planned to be a divorcee. I got pregnant a few months later. But I lost the pregnancy. Ever since,I have lost three pregnancies. I sometimes wonder if this is God punishing me or my husband for our indiscretions.

I never told my husband I slept with Uncle TJ. That was my own sweet revenge. But sometimes,I wonder if that is the cause of my miscarriage. Do you think James deserves to be told what happened between me and Uncle TJ? We have been through so much this past year. Telling him might not do anyone of us any good. I know I should not have done what I did …

But at the time, It was the what I needed..I was hurt and weak and in desperate need of someone who could comfort me and Uncle TJ must have been feeling the same way. Both of us being betrayed found comfort in each other….but I have been trying to have a second child and after the third miscarriage …my conscience is beginning to prick me…

Could there be a connection with what I did to the recent miscarriages….Please advice me. Please help me…


Josephine (Not Real Name)




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear Josephine,

    I wish i had the right words to say to you right now. This is is just so much….

    Marriage is sacred…the marriage bed undefilled…so many people getting into marriage without thinking…what ever happened to staying faithful for better or what?

    Thank you for sharing your story. While ,not trying to exonerate your husband,I really want to know if you know that you have erred as much as your husband? He erred first but you did not do any better….

    Your excuses of being sad or needing comfort at the time may seem cool at the time but its not eventually.

    Both of you are in the wrong. You put your marriage at risk…now,see what is happening…hurt…pain and now,miscarriage.

    You both need to talk to God for healing. Take some quality time to heal first before trying to have a baby.

    See a counselor or therapist together. Come clean before one another. The truth is the only thing that can set you free. Completely free.

    So consider telling each other the truth…gradually coming to terms of how much you both hurt each other….

    I believe that if you are both completely honest,you will find healing and total freedom to love each other forgive too…

    Then and only then,can you bring a child happily into your marriage.

    Note,God is not the one punishing you….its your state of mind…you have not let go of the past…your state of mind making it difficult for you to be ready to carry a child….pregnancy thrives in an environment of happiness…try getting to that point first.

    Its a long tough road but there is nothing God cannot do…you just have to be determined to get there…find the courage to start the process today.

    I pray for you and wish you the very best.


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