Wednesday, February 26, 2020
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Emotional Affair: Is It Better To Draw The Line In The Sand?

Editor’s note:

The story below is a case of emotional affair that a married man was involved with. It is with response to a similar story posted this week. Please read and make comments. Do you agree with this woman’s method or not? How do you successfully put an end to an emotional affair? Please drop your comments in the comment section below.

Jzhane

Hi,

My story is alot similar to this woman’s story (click here to see the story being referenced). My case is that,when a man has a significant woman in his life before marriage,it will be tough to cut off those strings when he is married and sometimes they need help doing so.

I noticed my husband has this female friend in his life as we were dating. She was not a bother cos she was abroad. But my husband never stopped talking about her. Lets say her name is Sandra for example. My husband will be saying: Sandra this,Sandra that every time.

Sandra came for our wedding from US. That was the first time I met her. She is very beautiful I must confess. She stayed in Nigeria for a while before going back. I felt very uncomfortable around her. Even though we were newlywed at the time and we should be drooling over each other,I noticed my husband would change soon as he saw her.

He seemed very at ease with her. They were even touchy feely. I knew something was up. The first time I mentioned it to my husband,he thought I was crazy. He said there was nothing,they were just cool friends from childhood.

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Sandra left and I could not be happier. But she finally relocated back to Nigeria like 3 years later. My husband and her would spend nothing less than hour on the phone like every 3 days. I had to complain to my husband’s brother.

It was his brother who told me that my husband had a crush on Sandra but Sandra is AS and my husband is AS…so Sandra’s parents told my husband to stay away from their daughter. I knew they were in love…this was more than a crush.

I went straight to my husband. I told him I see how he adores Sandra. I see how he looks at her. I acknowledge that Sandra is the love of his life. I told him I would not compete with her for his heart. I just told him,I give him one week to choose between Sandra and I.

My husband thought I was being paranoid. I packed my things at the end of one week and took my son and as I was about to leave,my husband held me back and there and then decided to cut off Sandra. He called her in my presence and told her he knows he is drawn to her but that was another life,he wants a new life with me.

Sandra took the next flight back to US the following week. I do not know if they still speak behind my back but at least,my husband  chose me over an ex. I know they may still have feelings but since that time,my husband has purposely done everything to make me feel like the only woman in the world for him.

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I am ok with that for now. That is why I want to suggest that this woman have a heart to heart talk with her husband. That his mentor needs to leave,there are no two ways about it. Some may say what if the man choose the mentor side chick?Well,  that means the man was never her husband in the first place.

Personally, I cannot live with a man who chooses another woman over me…in the name of I want to be known as a married woman? For what now….I know some people dont mind but I mind…its me or no one else…that is my humble opinion: if your hubby or wife is cheating or having an emotional affair…the only way out is: let him or her choose…there is no…let us manage it…life is too short.

Please share my experience to help others. God bless.

 

Mrs KK

Lagos

 

Photo Credit:Daily Advent

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello madam,

    Thank you for sharing with us. Emotional affairs is as bad as the physical affairs.

    The sad thing is,the individual involved in it may not realize it until their partner finds out and tries to put them in check. But other times,their partners are so disappointed and feel so betrayed. Some never get over it.

    The lesson is,do not enocurage emotional affairs…do not have conversations that you should be having your spouse with someone else.

    If there is an emotional lack or disconnect,get professional help…speak to a counselor and fix it…it starts with your thoughts and it feels harmless and then its too late.

    Do not be emotionally attached to someone else when you are in a relationship or better still married.

    If you are in such a position and you need help on how to get out,please feel free to speak to any of our counselors or send a message to us on whatsapp (+234 8029 8703 09).

    God bless you.

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