Divorce:I Did Every Thing Under The Sun To Keep My Marriage – Pt 1

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Editor’s Note:
This is a heartbreaking story sent in by one of our Whatsapp group members. Its a story of how he fought to keep his marriage of over 9 years. Please read his accounts of what happened and how it affected him. Also find out many lessons to be learned from this story. This is part 1 of the story. Parts 2 & 3 will be published in the coming days. Stay tuned!
Dear Lively Stones,
This is a very long read but I plead that you read on to the end. I have also tried to explain as explicit as possible, giving so much information, date and details just to make us all understand the walk, pain and love of a Father for his family.
I was 25 when I met Mandy. Saw her waiting for a cab one lazy Sunday evening in the year 2001. Stopped and gave her a lift to her house and we hit it up from there. I was a young man that made so much money at 25 that I was living on my own with 2 good cars packed outside my one bedroom apartment. I had about 3 girlfriends at the time I met Mandy and they all knew themselves, each one hoping that she will be the last one standing. My Mum never liked Mandy from the first day because she preferred a lady I had dated for about 4 yrs prior to my meeting Mandy.
Mandy was very quiet and beautiful and I imagined having beautiful kids by her. Immediately she came into my life, she gave me an ultimatum that every lady around me must go if she will have to stay with me, and because I loved her I started trying to send them away. A year after I met Mandy, she got pregnant and because I did not want to have kids out of wedlock I decided to marry her.
I called my girlfriends and told them i have decided to marry Mandy and stay faithful henceforth. None of them took it lightly as they were all in my life before she came. Two of them said the same thing on the same day “You are the only one that does not know that this lady does not love you and is here because of your money”. I waved this statement aside sighting jealousy and went on with my thing. Since i had money, in four months we arranged a Traditional Marriage and a Court Wedding with an elaborate reception since our church refused wedding us due to her been pregnant. (Feb.2003)
We moved into a bigger apartment in Cocain Village in Port Harcourt (Nigeria) and started living together. Six months into her pregnancy she told me she needed a house help to help with house chores and we asked her Mum to get us one. I came back from work on day and met a little 2 year old girl at home. I asked her and she told me that this is the house help the mother got for us. A two year old child as house help? What can this one do?
I immediately called her Mum who told me the little girls father is dead, her mother can’t take care of her and does not want her again and we can take her as our child so she can grow with us as a couple and she will also suggest I change her name to my name so that people and even our biological children when we start having them will not know she is not our biological daughter.
I wasn’t happy with it all, but as days went bye I started having love for this little girl. I called the Mum again and told her that we will still need a house help but for this little girl, she will be our first daughter and I am letting her answer my name and will stand as her father till death.
Her Mum was so happy and so was my wife. My family called me stupid but i stuck to my gun and everyone just kept calm and watched from a distance. They insisted we put her in a government free school so she will will have time to serve us at home. But I said NO and immediately registered the little girl in a private school and I can remember paying #55,000 as her first school fees in 2003.
Our first son came in Aug. 2003 and we were very happy. Prior to now, I found out there was this wealthy politician my wife dated before meeting me and i asked her “You are beautiful, calm and well mannered, why did this man not marry you”? Her answer was “He wanted to, but his sisters and mother ganged up against me and said he should not marry me “THAT I AM TOO MONEY CONSCIOUS”. This was the first sign I over looked.
Three years later our second child and daughter came. We had decided to have just two children. Now we had 3 including the little girl GOD brought our way (so i thought). I started becoming troubled when she started asking for money all the time. Buying expensive shoes and cloths. At this point all 3 children were in the same private primary school and fees per term was #90,000 per child. This was in 2007. My finances was stretching as the family was now bigger, my wife never worked and I had to meet up with upkeep of the family, fees for children and her outrageous financial lifestyle.
The first major wake up call for me came when she told me she wanted to start a business of buying and selling and wants to travel to the North to buy Gold to sell and make profit for herself and asked for #500,000. I told her to give me some time to raise the money as I really wanted to encourage her in business too. But she told me there will be no s*x until I give her the money. After two months of no s*x and since I wasn’t ready to go out to get it, I went to a childhood friend to borrow the money with a promise to pay when she returns and sells.
This never came to be as she came back, sold her goods but never returned the money and I was arrested and locked up by this friend. She never visited the police station to see how I was doing in detention, or even bothered about how we could resolve the issue or ever returned the money.
My family raised the money and I was back home. I called her one morning and said “we need to cut down on our spending as these children are now growing and we need the best education for them”. She just looked at me angrily and left the room. I was making so much money but i found out I was not growing, progressing or achieving anything as a man. My expenses in the home most times was more than a million naira per month for just me, her and three kids all less than ten years who mainly eat only Indomie, bread, corn flakes or coco pops.
At this point, the people I was doing business with in Shell where having problems and the contract was not too sure for us again. And I also foresaw a final termination. I looked back and found out I had nothing as savings despite making over 15 million in the last 6         years. Within this period I had bought three cars for her and she had graduated to travelling twice every year to Dubai and Paris to buy things to sell and have never returned the loans i give her for each journey.
S*x was now a weapon to get any amount of money from me. In 2009 we traveled for holiday to Obudu Ranch in Cross Rivers State (Nigeria), on one particular night she was browsing with my laptop and slept off. I woke up and saw her sleeping. I picked up the laptop with the intention of shutting it down, but I noticed her mails were opened. Out of curiosity i checked and found out she has been chatting with one particular guy in London (real name Osarieme) and was asking him how far the papers have gone.
She was asking him to fill a form saying she is a single parent with three children she got out of wedlock and he should insist she has never been married before so visas can be granted them. There was also a place she asked him if he would marry her. I immediately forwarded all messages to my mail and put off the system. I kept quiet so as not to destroy our holiday mood.
When we came back, i confronted her and she only said he was a friend she dated at some time in the university but denied any incriminating message in her mails to him as she immediately deleted all the mails from her box. I got angry because I expected the truth and possibly an explanation as I had the capacity to forgive her of any slip at that time even infidelity.
I angrily reported her to her parents and confronted her again in the presence of her father, mother and her mothers elder brother, she totally denied again but when i brought out the mail from my mail box, her mother knelt down and started begging me that I should please not let anybody see this shameful act and started shouting at her. I did not want an elderly woman begging me on her knees so I said “Mummy, despite the fact that my wife has shown no remorse, for your sake, i will delete these mails, forgive her and never remember it ever happened. So I deleted the mails from my system instantly, a move I regretted later.
Few months to my 36th birthday, she came up with travelling to buy things in Dubai and asked for #1.5m. At this time, there was pressure on my finances and I wasn’t ready to sponsor any trip since monies i brought out for her trips and business since inception were never ever returned, and any explanation ever given. For Gods sake business is not done like this.
S*x was used as ….
….to be continued
Please share your thoughts in the comment section
Photo Credit:Adelove
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4 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Sir,

    First of all,thank you for sharing with us your very gripping story. Your courage is amazing.

    I would wait until the 3rd part of the story is posted before I give my advice but here are a few of my thoughts on this so far:

    You have been through so much and I cannot begin to imagine what You went through

    But you are still very young. God has a purpose for your life,it is not too late…hold hold…you will smile again…

    This is a big lesson for women who love the flashy and unreal life. I wonder why and how such women exists. There are many women who would do anything to be in your shoes. Women who are hustling to support their men….and keeping the home front stable…yet…some are just unbelievable!

    In any case…God is a God of second chances…

    I believe it is time for your second chance….

    Hold on ..as we share the remaining parts of your story…

    God bless you.

  2. Hmnnnn, am speechless. Thank you Jesus I made a wise choice thru the guidance of the holy spirit.

    Reason we need to prayyyyyyy & seek God’s face and guidance of the holy spirit before saying I do because of stories like this.

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