Friday, May 29, 2020
Home Advice Did My Ancestors Destroy My Chances Of Finding Love?

Did My Ancestors Destroy My Chances Of Finding Love?

Dear Jzhane,

I am Miriam (not real name) from Edo state. I am 38 years old. I am in love with a man whom I met a year ago. He loves me too and he is already talking marriage. But I am scared of marrying him because there is an issue on ground which must be tackled first.

Let me give you a little background. My mother’s family was involved in idols worshiping which spanned over several generations. I was told that all the females in the family were dedicated to the goddess of the sea. So,all first females born into the family were automatically priestesses of the sea. They were called Ogbanje.

My mother and my father were Christians however. The practice of idolism actually ended with my great grand parents I think.So far,I cant remember anyone still practicing that in our family except some very extended family members in the village. So I was born into a christian home,raised as a christian.

But my love life has been bad. Any man who I got involved with,something happens to him.I dated someone when I was 25 years to 29,he proposed to me. We were planning our wedding. He suddenly had an accident. He had to be flown abroad for treatment. That was the end of our relationship.

The above situation led my mom to prayers in some churches. I think someone gave her a prophesy that I have a spirit husband who will not allow me get married to any man until I am fully delivered. Then too,I used to have s*xual intercourse with a spirit man in my dreams .Many prayers and deliverance were done for me.

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I remained single for a year before I met my husband when I was 31 years old. He is strong believer. Our marriage was ok until 3 months later. My husband became sick suddenly. It started with typhoid. It later progressed to Kidney failure under 4 months. We flew him abroad for kidney transplant. It was successful.He came back months later but he relapsed again after 7 months.

We took him to several specialist hospitals in the country. We spent so much money until we went broke. We sold our cars. Our lands. The family spent so much until there was nothing. We began to go from one healing home to another. From church to church. Four years later,he passed on.

By this time,we had lost everything. I was alone. I never enjoyed the marriage for a minute. I had no child from the marriage.  I was so sad. After the burial,I returned home to my family. I thought my life was over. Who would want me at my age, I was a widow at 36. I tried to start life afresh and dedicated my life truly to God. Mark you,I am born again. I may not be perfect but I try. I fast and pray often too.

Well,last year, I met someone. We became friends. He is a divorcee with one child form his previous marriage. I love him. I told him my story. He does not care about my past. He believes we are children of God. I also believe God has saved me and delivered me. We decided to have a quiet wedding this year. I met his family,very lovely people.

Days later,the elder sister of my fiance told him that his ex wife had a dream that she saw that he was getting married. And that the woman he was getting married to was not God’s will for him. My fiance did not believe her. He said she was just jealous that he found someone to marry after moving on from her. Mind you,my fiance did not tell his family my story.

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Well,I am happy that my fiance is backing me but I am a little shaken. I do not know how the ex wife will come and have such a dream. Call it fear from the past…I don’t know. I have been praying and fasting. I do not want what happened in the past to happen again. Maybe its truly not my destiny to be married. I know I am a new creation in Christ ,old things are passed away. But the bible also talks about sins of a man being passed unto his generations.

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Maybe this is my lot. Should I call off this wedding? I do not want to loose another good man over the sins of my past generations. My mother has gone to various prayer houses for vision. They all say that I am free now. But this dream from the ex wife…..I am confused. I need advice.



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear Miriam,

    Thank you for your story. Very intriguing. You been through alot. I thank you for your courage.

    Well,when it comes to spiritual issues,there is only one way to fight it: SPIRITUALLY!

    If you truly believe that you were dedicated to idol worshiping that is fighting your love life,then its time to take the bull by the horn.

    Prayers are ok…I see you have been doing alot of that. My only question is: do you know not all prayer houses are of God? You need to be careful where you go to for prayers…else you end up complicating your case….

    All you need to do is give your life to Christ. Just as words were used to dedicate your family,words can be used to deliver your family….say this words: I believe and I receive Jesus Christ as my lord and personal savior. From today,Satan has no power over me. Read Romans chapter 10. Read 1 Corinthians chapter 5

    Read the word of God concerning who the Christian is. Its a confession thing. Confess and believe that you are saved and free. Anytime doubts come,declare who you are in Christ.

    Another thing is,your lifestyle. After declaring,make sure that you are TOTALLY living for Christ. Do not let the devil in any form.

    And do not let FEAR get hold of you. Your past is gone as a Christian….focus on your future…..if you think this nee man is not for you,then let him go. If you pray and God says go ahead…go ahead….no FEAR!!!

    Remember,your words of confession is your defense.

    You can sow sacrificial seeds to God too. You can also sow your time to God…in other words,you need to serve God radically….your life depends on it.

    Stay away from everything for now,worldly talk,TV,social media…give yourself wholly to God,studying his word,praying and declaring His word over your life.

    There is nothing God cannot do. Trust Him. Trust Him against all odds….

    John 8:34-36 says…

    ”34 Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. 35 And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. 36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”

    God bless you.

  2. You are born again, prayed, fasted , declaring the word.
    It’s worth joining faith with a minister of the Gospel renowned in these areas.
    Try to visit Auchi, Omega Fire Ministries , seat in front , see if you can have a 1:1 with Apostle Johnson Suleman or receive from your seat ( in their Fire night program, once a month) that encounter should put a complete top to all these if there is anything not dealt with or anything picked up by visiting multiple prayer houses .
    After that, stand on scriptures and consciously live God’s way (you & spouse ).

  3. Hello dear,
    How reddish were the sins committed years back? God Almighty said if you repent and sin not ye shall be forgiven. And that u will become whyte as snow provided u don’t go back to it again. Christ has healed u, I don’t know why u are moving from place to place. Isa 1:18-20.

  4. It’s well madam. Few questions for you!
    What nature and type of deliverances have you been undergoing? Who conducts the deliverances? And what items/ materials did they use? Does the deliverances entail further animal/cultural sacrifices? Use of special candles or incents ? In what of environments/establishment was the deliverances conducted? Enough of the questions for now.
    What you need is geinue repentance and purposeful deliverance from a humble genuine man of God with such calling and raw faith, that is totally dependent on God. Avoid spiritual and white garment churches .Avoid cash centered so called prayer teams that claims to conduct house and family cleansing.
    Without faith, it is impossible to please God, for he that comes to Him, must believe that He is able to deliver those that call on Him.


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