Saturday, August 8, 2020
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Dear Husbands: Why Is This Wrong For Your Wives To Do This?

Hello ma,

I need advise on this matter. Two days ago, my husband and I got into an argument caused by his younger brother. So,his younger brother came visiting.He is a trader and is always travelling.

When he came,he reported his wife to my husband,saying that he found out that this wife has gotten a vibrator when he travelled. He was shocked and got angry with his wife for getting a vibrator.

She was trying to hide it but he found out and asked her what was doing with it. She explained that she got it because he was always travelling and she did not want to cheat so she got it to use anytime she felt the urge.

Of course,my brother in-law got upset and they quarreled about it. And so he came to report her to his brother,which is my husband. That is how me,I went and chuk my mouth into the matter,now,my husband is angry with me too.

In my opinion,there is nothing wrong with what my brother inlaw’s wife did. Its not like she is cheating. These days,many couples have sx toys to compliment their sx life. So,my husband supported his brother and said women are looking for ways to cheat and actually using a vibrator is an insult to the husband.

I get it,its an ego thing but should the woman die from feeling horny when the husband is travelling for months upon months? For the men,we cant even say for sure that they are not cheating when they travel so why is it wrong for a woman to use a vibrator?

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I want people,especially men to answer me o. Cos, I think it is unfair. I had to apologize to my husband just for peace to reign but he is still angry with me. Saying that for even supporting his brother’s wife,he does not trust me,that I may do the same or even cheat.

Please what did I do wrong? Why is it wrong for a married woman to us the vibrator? …next thing,he is saying that I am preaching feminism and that is derailing women in marriage these days…

Please advise me…


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello madam,

    I couldn’t help but laugh a little when I read your story. I could feel your frustration a little.

    To be honest, this is purely an ego thing. Men feel that the vibrator will be in competition with them of their wives use the vibrator.

    I think it boils down to proper communication. The use of toys in marriage is an ongoing conversation.many are yet to accept the idea too. Some see it as unhealthy.

    Couples who use toys have to be comfortable with it. If you are not comfortable then do not.

    So,if this lady’s husband is not comfortable with it,she should stop. Because in actual fact,if he knows she is using it without his consent,that is like cheating on him.

    She would feel the same way if he was the one with a s*x toy.

    So,the advise is: they should both talk about it,get more education about…be open minded and be comfortable about it before engaging in such.

    Where one party is not in support,please drop the idea. There are other ways to achieve the same result without using toys.

    Do what is comfortable for both…at least until the other person is ok with it…if not…drop it.

    Note: the bigger issue I see here is communication. If they can get their communication right…perhaps this man can travel less often to be with his wife or his wife can join him on some of the trips.

    same for you and your husband too. He is yet to come to terms with the idea of s*x toys…let him be…do not force it….maybe one day the awareness will get to him…

    Do not let that come in-between you and your husband.

    God bless.


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