Monday, August 3, 2020
Home Advice Corona Virus Lock Down Revealed An Affair I Never Knew About

Corona Virus Lock Down Revealed An Affair I Never Knew About

Hello Mama,

I am very pained at what is going on. I do not know whether to blame corona  or thank it for what is going on in my marriage. I have been married,going to be 7 years in June. My husband .He works really hard,we both do, so our life is majorly our career.

Somehow,we try to balance things especially for the sake of our children. I work in a media outlet company and he works in oil and gas. I love my husband. I never in my wildest dream think my husband was cheating on me. I knew we were not perfect but we were not having issues to the best of my knowledge.

From this week,my company told us to work from home but my husband was still going to work. I was worried every day that he was going to work cos everyday we kept getting scary updates as the situation kept getting worse all over the country.

By Tuesday, I chatted with a friend and was just sharing with her my fear for my husband still going to work…she was surprised to hear my husband was going to work. She said she has it on good authority that most oil and gas companies have closed since last week.

My friend called me back and confirmed it. I was confused. Maybe my own husband’s company was different? I asked him when he returned from work. He said not everyone is allowed to work from home,some people are still coming to work.

On Wednesday afternoon,I called his mobile line several times without any response. I called his office line,no response.  That is when I remembered I saved his colleague’s boss no one time to wish him happy birthday.

I called the colleage,apologized for bothering him but I wanted to speak to my husband cos I couldn’t reach him on his mobile. The colleague was like,is he not with you…I said no. He said the office closed since Monday and has not seen my husband since then. I thanked him and dropped the phone.

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My husband was lying to me…why? so where has he been going to if he is not going to work all these days? I did not say anything to my husband when he returned home around 9pm that day. I tried my best to keep calm.

Next day,as soon as my husband drove to work, I followed him from a distance and drove a few meters behind him. He drove to the Omole (not real location). I followed him until he stopped in front of a gate and got out. I watched him park his car,get out and the gate opened and some lady opened the gate and he got in.

I sat in my car for several minutes,shaking and confused. I did not know what to do. Do I stay and wait for him to come out or go to that gate and find out who is the person my husband is with. I got out. Went to the gate and knocked. A gateman opened.

I told him I was looking for the man who’s car is parked outside. I told him,the man dropped a wallet when he got out of his car. I wanted to deliver it to him in person. The mumu gate man didn’t even ask me plenty question…he just pointed to the flat and said…go there…na dia the oga dey.

I got to the flat. Still shaking. I rang the bell. And a lady opened the door. I looked at her and said to her,where is my husband? She recognized me and tried to gather herself but it was too late. I could see my husband coming out,already undressed in his boxers alone and when he saw me,ran back inside like a child…

I looked straight at this woman,shook my head and never said a word. I left in a hurry and drove back home where I cried a well full of tears. My husband came back around 11am. Trying to explain that nothing was happening,he was just chilling in a friend’s place. Both of them are working on a project,bla bla bla…

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I told him I already called his colleague so I know he was not going to work. So,you went to a female business partner’s place to do business when everyone is on lock down? He sounded so stupid. He then broke down and said,forgive me. I cant lie to you. I have wronged you. I did something wrong.

How long has this been going on,who is this woman…she is a colleague, why her,…all he said was I am sorry,I made a mistake. What have I done wrong to deserve this? I am a good wife. I work hard to bring in money into the home,I gave you two children:boy and girl… I give you s*x when you ask. I cook…I dress fine…I still look good..what on earth did you start having an affair for….

My husband has since not being able to explain what is going on. clearly,an affair…but he is refusing to give me details and its driving me insane. He says no need for the details but he is wrong. I need to know…how do we move on if I do not know the details?

All I have been doing is cry since on Thursday. I don’t even know where to go to,in this lock down….I feel so pained,betrayed and alone. I told my pastor who called him several times but he did not pick up. I don’t understand him anymore.

Please how do we move forward if my husband does not want to talk about all the burning questions in my head?

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Just like the virus,I feel these past few days have been a nightmare….I need your advise.

 

Anonymous Poster

 

Photo Credit:Crosswalk

 

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. For me, I think the best thing to do in a case like this is to make the man feel very sorry for himself and that can only be made possible by her not changing who she is, though not easy but for me, to avoid crisis that she will not be able to handle. Let her not talk about it for now, since the man is not willing to talk, an effort to bring words from his mouth will not yield any positive result, rather will make him arrogant. The woman should please not talk about it now. The greatest weapon in a case like this is silent, why she does everything to make herself happy. And she should try as much as possible to keep it a family matter that should be kept private.

    • my dear everything is time you will heal don’t stres yourself when you heal and forgive him and yourself.then then the answer will present itself.may God help you.

  2. Hello madam,

    Your initial reaction is understandable. Its coming from shock and betrayal. For that,I think you need to brace yourself. You need to take one day at a time. Express all the anger and hurt that you feel but then,you must also pick yourself up and face the harsh realities.

    What you do from now will determine the future of your marriage. Stop trying to force your husband to tell you the details. He should tell you freely if he is truly remorseful. He maybe feeling scared but part of being truly sorry is facing consequences of our actions.

    If he will not tell you,suggest to him that you both both an appointment with an online marriage counselor seeing there is still a lock down. You must also try and forgive him ahead of any wrong he has done,no matter how grave the wrong is. I hope he does not have any baby with her..cos that will be very tough to overlook.

    In any case…imagine worse case scenario and forgive him ahead. That will make it easier for you to accept the details when it finally comes to light.

    This will not be easy but if two of you unite and agree…you can both save your marriage.

    Marriage counseling or therapy should help both of you communicate what had happened. Why it happened,how its affecting both of you and how you can move forward after this.

    Its going to be a long road to healing ,forgiveness but be determined to put in the work. Its your marriage…its for the sake of the love you both share…its for the sake of the vows you took (for better or worse)…its because God forgave us so we should forgive others.

    Whatever the issues…try to not blame yourself…you might find yourself blaming yourself but it has nothing to do with you. This is one bad slip up by your husband.

    Many marriages have been saved after infidelity…many did not survive it.I pray yours survives and be stronger for it.

    Ask God to give you the wisdom and courage to do the right thing. Stop crying…it hurts but that is life…the person you love most will hurt you but do not let that hurt blind you or keep you from seeing the light after the tunnel.

    You will be fine…do not give up …keep communication lines open between the two of you…encourage him to feel safe to tell you even the dirtiest things he has done. Find a place in your heart to forgive him if he is truly repentant.

    Above all…pray and pray and trust God is making everything alright in the end.

    God bless you.

  3. Hmmmm I feel your pain, I will advice you take it slow and easy cos nothing you do now will change what has happened. Most times as women we are to busy to notice small signs and changes in the life of our spouses. Stop crying cos it won’t solve any of this. He’s probably too ashamed to give details but the question now is, are you sure that your findings will or have put an end to that affair? If not find out how you can take your home from the hands of that woman cos this is a woman he sees everyday at work and such love affair hardly ends. If you know how to pray and believing just start now cos only God can turn things around. Show him more love and care. Pe le

  4. For me I feel both of you might be incompatible.People generally prefers staying with those that makes them happy especially at times like this (lock down).Work & more work has helped to hide the probable incompatibility of you both & the truth is if any one prefers being with you at odd times,they trurly love you.Even a Cancerian or Capricorn spouse that are the most home loving duo will hang out often if they find you emmotionally distant.So I suggest find out about your real self & try to discover him too.Its not all about just sex and support,its deeper than that,by the way what’s a pastors business in all of this,has he once reported his wife to you or has he suddenly transformed to Jesus Christ? Please grow up.I’ve been there .

  5. My sister u have the best husband on es
    rth for him to have said he is sorry is worth forgiving him & looking on to better days in ur married life. It’s not going to come easyly but thru pra

    yers God will grant u the grace. Tank God he didn’t tell u that it’s ur fault, u have added weight or ur Virgina is slacked or any excuse to belittle u. He won’t stop because u re aware pretend nothing is happening. Don’t support him to a point that he doesn’t have responsibility apart from sharing his earnings with women make urself happy don’t fall into self pity u ‘ll come out of it stronger. God bless ur marriage.

  6. Take some time off from your family house to have a deep thought about the future of your marriage. This will help come with better ways you can handle this. Its your family and no one else can best advise you on the way forward. In the same vein, your absence from the house will also avail your husband the opportunity to reflect on the implications on his infidelity on you and the children alike. If you rush into reconciliation, I am telling you you husband will forever take you for a ride and this will surely continue.
    Prove to him that you’re really pained and pissed off by his action.I wish and pray you come out of this mess stronger. Best of luck, madam

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