Tuesday, July 14, 2020
Home Advice Blind Sided By Love And Friendship: How Should I Fight Back?

Blind Sided By Love And Friendship: How Should I Fight Back?

Hello ma,

I need advice. My head is scattering. I am so angry,I want to break someone’s head.I have been betrayed by my  my friend. I was so gullible. When people say trust no one,I never knew you cannot trust someone who calls you friend for over 11 years.

I was in a relationship for two years with my ex fiance. We got engaged after 2 years. What I know is that,our relationship was not perfect. We were having issues every time but I swear,I loved this guy. I know he loved me too.

Anytime we were having issues,I would tell my friend,Adesuwa(dont hide her name ma,she is a bad friend). Adesuwa was always advising me to leave my relationship because is was an abusive one. She pretended to be concerned about the frequency of the quarrels between me and my guy.

Eventually,the quarreling was too much. I broke up with my fiance last year. It was a painful break up. I cried for days and Adesuwa was comforting me,telling me it was for the best,how God will bless me with a better man,bla bla bla.

Even when this guy was begging me,Adesuwa kept telling me not to accept him back as I would regret it. I let go and I listened to my friend. But ma,yesterday morning,my kid sister who still has my ex on her whatsapp sent me a picture of my ex and Adesuwa. She said that my ex used Adesuwa as his DP and captioned it: thank God for wifey who gives me peace of mind.

Walahi,I thought yesterday was April fool. I called my friend,we have not spoken in like 3 weeks. It happens sometimes cos of busy schedules. I asked her why she took a picture with my ex and why does he have her on his dp. She was quiet. She said she will call me back to explain later and she cut the phone.

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Quickly I called my ex. Thank God he picked. We exchanged pleasantries and asked him about the dp. He said he did not mean to hurt me but I hurt him so much he found love with my friend. That it was not planned but he found out that they could get along so well.

I dropped the call and my world went black. Like,is this what the world is all about? I have been so angry since yesterday. My friend has switched off her phone. I considered going to her place but I stopped cos I do not want to be arrested. Cos,the way I am so angry right now,I can kill someone.

My sister has been chatting with my ex. He says my friend told him that we broke up because I had a boyfriend abroad who was the reason I could not love him and we were always fighting. True,I had an admirer abroad but we were never dating. He never influenced my behavior to my fiance cos I knew we can never be together,he is yoruba and my family will never allow me marry yoruba.

Ma,I don’t even know what to do. My sister wants me to fight for my e and win him back. That the way he was talking,he was really pained that we broke up. That I did not give him peace even though he was ready to make things work.

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My sister wants me to tell him how my friend discouraged me from being a good fiancee to my ex. Will that change anything? He is already with her. Will that not make me look desperate? Do you think there is a chance me and my ex will work things out if he finds out that she was the one always saying bad things about my relationship then?

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What do you think I should do ma? This is really very painful,my heart is truly broken. But why did my ex have to find love with my own friend of all the people in this world? Is he doing it to hurt me?

I need answers and advice. I do not want to talk to my ex. I don’t want to look desperate but if I am feeling this hurt,maybe I still love him…in fact,I still love him…what do I do please?.


From Rita,


Photo Credit:Panda Gossips



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Rita,

    First,you need to pull yourself together.From the tone of your email,you are already making a mess of things…get yourself together and stop fretting and crying and fuming!

    Secondly: you and this guy already broke up cos of the fighting: did your friend cause the fighting? If yes..then maybe you need to have a heart to heart talk with your ex and maybe you guys can retrace where your friend made you guys break up

    If she did not cause your fights,then she is not the reason for your break up. You are just angry she moved on with your man….that is not good for a girl code though but that is life…one man’s meat is another man’s poison.

    So my dear,get yourself together and ask yourself some real questions: what REALLY caused your break up with your ex?

    Whatever your answer to the above question: do either of the above suggestions I gave. But do so after you have calmed down…not in your current state.

    Mind you,what if your ex was really the one behind all this drama…do you want to fall right into their trap?…think girl!…stop acting emotional,use your head now,not your heart!

    Like you said,of all people,why settle with your friend? I don’t think your ex is that innocent too.

    If you want to be the bigger person,talk to your ex…hear his side of the story (just so you can get some closure)and move on from both of them….if your ex is truly serious and in love with you..he will come looking for you and fight to get your love back…don’t make a fool of yourself by fighting for a man who is dating your friend now.

    I hope the above helps. I wish you all the best.


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