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Ask Jzhane: She Is Putting Me Under Pressure To Marry Her

Dear Jzhane,

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years. We both decided not to have s*x until marriage. Its been tough,so we play like kissing but when its getting to more than that,we dont go further. Honestly its not been easy.

This year,my girlfriend asked me when we are going to get married,I told her next year or two years. This is because,I am still a struggling young man. Things have been rough for me. I didnt grow up with luxuries in my life.I am doing part time schooling and working. I also have my younger ones I am taking care of. So I figure that if I can wait a little more to make some more money or when I graduate in two years time,we can get married.

But my girl is not happy,she says she wants to get married this year. That she has been with me for two years. She is 30 years old. I am 31. I can understand that she is under pressure to marry from her parents and she thinks being 30 years and above is like a time where most ladies must be married. But I feel like getting married for both of us this year is going to be very tough on me. Her job dont even pay much . She earns less than N50k,how will that help two of us?

I tried to explain to her to be patient but since that time she has been giving me attitude. She even said that she cannot wait any longer to have s*x. That I should at least make love to her. maybe that will prove that I am committed to marrying her eventually. I dont like how she is behaving now. I told her that is not guarantee that I will marry her. That statement made her very angry but is that not the truth? Sex cannot tie down a man. She said that its proof that I am not going to marry her.Its just too crazy.

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Should I break up with her or just agree to make love to her ? Since this year,any small thing I do,she will pick up a fight with me. Just because of the marriage issue. I am tired of always arguing with her. I love her alot but I am not ready for marriage.

What should I do?




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Chibuzor,

    Two years is a long time for a lady to wait for marriage. Especially when she is already 30…the pressure is at its highest at this stage in a woman’s life. So you have to be more understanding of her.

    What I suggest you both do is: have a heart to heart discussion. You can still get married this year if you both start planning for it. Thank God you both have jobs. So every month,take some money out and put it aside for your wedding/marriage.

    You must both agree to live within your means and make some sacrifices too. It will not be easy bit if both of you are determined,you can achieve your goals in a short time.

    If the above is not ok with you,please let her go…otherwise you are now Lord of The rings…free her…

    All the best.

  2. My friend, you dont need all the money in the world to get married. If you plan with what you earn and with God both of you will make it. Keeping a lady waiting for too long is not the best. She might have people coming after her that she is turning down. You just assuring her by mare words you will marry her but that not certain, because you can change your mind tomorrow. I have seen it happen over again. Pls do the right thing or call it off.


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