Saturday, August 15, 2020
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Are My Indiscretions Responsible For These Constant Losses?

Hello ma,

Please forgive me. I am crying as I write this. I have begged God to forgive me and I believe he has but this guilt has refused to leave me alone.

I have been married for six years. I married as a virgin. My husband was surprised at my lack of experience and he tried to teach me everything about sex but I was not good enough for him I think.

So,every day,he would say degrading things to me. I started to hate sex. I would just lie there and let him do whatever he wanted. He would complain that I am like a dead moaning,etc.

Sex became more boring when I got pregnant. He finally allowed me to be. Cos,I think he got tired of my attitude. He would prefer to masturbate and frankly speaking,I did not care,after all,I was pregnant.

However,something strange began to happen to me. I began to crave sex during my 7th and 8th month of pregnancy. I tried to go to my husband and he pushed me away. I tried several times and the best he did was give me 5 seconds of penetration before release.

We quarreled and grew further apart sexually. I was angry at him for treating me this way after all,I was a virgin for him. I even regretted being a virgin for marriage. It was not worth the ingratitude I was getting.

During my ante natal visits to the hospital,my Doctor noticed my demeanor. He was very concerned and kind to me. He became a little too friendly. He was carrying out an examination on me one day and I had an orgasm. I was embarrassed. He told me not to be.

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I noticed he was smiling and I asked him why…he said he can give me more orgasms if I wanted. I thought he meant through the usual examination so I said how…he locked his office and went down on me and gave me head.

I was shocked but I did nothing. I allowed him give me a head,finger me and he eventually f*cked me in his office.I had several orgasms in less than 3 mins. I could not shout. I left his office so satisfied and feeling guilty.

I prayed to God to forgive me that day. I cried too. But when Dr H called me to meet him at a hotel,I did not think. I met with him for almost 2 months,having regular and sweet sex with my Doctor.

We stopped after I gave birth. He actually left the hospital cos there were multiple reports about him having affairs with different ladies. But I learnt so much from him sexually. That my husband now benefits.

My marriage is doing very well. Me and my husband have sex regularly and I give it to him very well. I lied that I learned new tricks through watching porn but my conscience pricks me every time.

I have prayed and prayed for forgiveness. I feel God has forgiven me but when I lost my two last pregnancies,I began to feel it has to do with my indiscretion with my husband. Yes,I lost two pregnancies,one in the 4th month…the second one in the 6th month.

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Medically,they say its ovarian cyst issue but I cant help but feel that if I do not confess to my husband …I will not be able to carry another baby to full term. But telling him is the end of my marriage I am sure…

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So here is my guilt and my confusion. Our first child is 5 years…I have been trying to conceive since…maybe I should forget about ever conceiving? I need advise…


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear Madam,

    What you did was wrong but its not ours to pass judgement. You have prayed to God for forgiveness and I am sure He has forgiven you. You also need to forgive yourself.

    But for you to move forward,you need to find peace within yourself. That peace will help you conceive again.

    Ovarian cyst can be managed. See a specialist Doctor,am sure they will guide you on what medical procedures you can take.

    As for your husband,you need to find a way to tell him. Many may differ on this but I am a one for having a marriage with no secrets no matter how tough it is or how disturbing the secret it.

    Maybe take a vacation together and go for a fast and prayer time away from town where you can be alone with him. You can also write him a letter.He deserves to know and unfortunately,you have no idea how he will react but you have to trust that all will be well. Sometimes,even if God forgives us our sin,the consequences of that sin cannot be avoided.

    You will have to explain how vulnerable you were at the time and also how you were not in a good space in your marriage. Let him know that you would never do that again. Tell him that you know he may not forgive you but you would do anything to earn his trust and forgiveness and will wait for him to forgive you no matter how long it takes.

    Also manage the way you tell him. Let him know there was an indiscretion,you do not need to paint a picture of how it happened. That may be too much for him to bear.

    But then again…there is grace even for every sinner. Ask God for that grace. It will be tough but eventually,it will all be well.

    My prayer and hope is that you get through this and God bless your family moving forward.


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