Friday, May 29, 2020
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All I Wanted Was For My Husband To Tell Me I Am Beautiful

Dear LS

I am sharing this because I feel guilty but helpless. Before I say anything,let me say that I am aware that alot of people will say bad things about me,its alright. I have asked God to forgive me. I pray God to also help me overcome this . Its not been easy for me.

Jide (not real name),my husband and I met 8 years ago. It was at my elder sister’s husband birthday party. Jide and my in-law are friend. Jide just relocated from south Africa to pick up an oil job in Nigeria. Jide was a hot bachelor,every lady would love to be with him. I too was not bad myself.

I was in a relationship,only about 3 months though then. At the birthday party,Jide couldn’t take his eyes off me. The toasting started right from the party. Long story short,I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and falling for Jide who did everything to win me.

I tried to play hard to get but Jide was smooth. He got my family who even pressured me more to accept him. We got engaged and got married. Jide was the sweetest husband. Very caring and sensitive and loving.Every day,I thanked God for blessing me with such a husband.

All was good for the first three years of our marriage. My son was born 8 months after our wedding. About 2 years after my son was born, when I started trying to conceive for a second child,I started to experience delay. I thought it was nothing but after 4 years,I became worried.

I took several tests and fertility treatments. My husband did not even bother. What I noticed was that our relationship began to suffer. We spoke less and less. I thought it was because of our struggle for a second child. But as time went on,my husband looked at me one day and said I am un-attractive.

I thought it was because I gained  a little weight with the fertility drugs I was taking so I began to work on me. The more I tried,the more my husband pulled away. I tried to ask for help. I spoke to our pastor who called him and spoke to him. He said nothing is wrong but he just feels he is no longer attracted to me.

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We were advised to pray and fast. Only me did. I stopped the fertility medication. I changed my wardrobe. I did everything to win my husband but he wouldn’t even look at me. It was then I began to suspect he was seeing someone else. I begged him. I prayed. I fasted. Our friends and family intervened. Nothing changed.

For the last two years,Jide and I never spoke to each other except when it has to do with my son’s school. I thought about leaving but was advised to stay an work out my marriage since Jide did not ask for a divorce. I tried until I gave up and decided to focus on myself. I would not let Jide make me miserable for the rest of my life.

So far,I tried to move on. Being in a marriage but living single. One day,as I parked my car at the mall,I accidentally hit another car. I got down to apologize and the owner was very understanding. He said its ok,even though I hit his lights,he said he could never be upset with a beautiful woman as me.

I offered to pay for the damage,he said no but he would like to take me out. This was strange to me.I never been told I was beautiful in the last 5 years. I told him I was married,he apologized but asked if he could at least buy me some ice cream. I saw no harm in that. We went for ice cream and ended up gisting for like an hour.

We exchanged numbers and that is how our friendship started. Kay would tell me everything I needed to hear: he told me how beautiful I was,called me his angel,he would call and check up on me every hour. I knew this was dangerous but I was lonely and needed it.

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When Kay invited me to his house,I went there like a lamb  to the slaughter. One touch from him,I gave in. He knew I was married but he also knew I was unhappy in my marriage. Kay loved me like my body needed to be loved. I felt alive and sexy anytime I was around him. He was fun,made me laugh all the time.

I began to glow and my husband couldn’t help but notice I was so happy. He began to show a little interest in me but then I realized my feelings for him was gone. They were with Kay now. Now,my husband is doing more to try to win me back but I all I think about and want is Kay.

Kay wants me to leave my marriage and marry him. My husband wants us to work on our marriage. I think he suspects I am seeing someone and he is jealous. For my son’s sake I decided to end it with Kay and focus on my marriage. That was when I discovered I was pregnant. No doubt it was for Kay.

Now,am faced with the most difficult temptation: keep this baby that I have been trying to conceive for 6 years or remove it and stay with a man who did not want me or even look at my face for 4 years? If I decide to remove it,is abortion not a sin?

Yes,I conceived in adultery but I was pushed to do so. The man who promised to love and protect me did not and now,I am torn between going back to that man or staying with the man who loved me and helped me gain my confidence back  plys a child that I needed so bad for over 6 years.

I need advice.

Mayowa (Not real name)



Photo Credit:Daily Active Kenya



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. This is a hard one. My question is: what do you really want?

    Do you want to work on your marriage and save your marriage? (That would be my advice really)

    The main problem is that are in love with another man and you are pregnant with his child while you are still married…

    Do you believe your husband has genuinely changed? After four years of no communication?….

    You and him need to go see a professional therapist and be completely open to each other. You need to talk about what happened to your marriage,when did you start misbehaving,the extent of your mistakes and how you can work through these mistakes and come back better.

    Maybe you can both forgive your indiscretions if you really want your marriage to stand.

    If you agree to work it out. Have the baby and give it to Kay. Am not sure how you want to raise another man’s child in your husband’s house:men are not that magnanimous.

    But you could be shocked,Jide might be more understanding and accept the child;who knows

    Both of you need to ask God to forgive you and forgive yourselves. If cannot do that,it would be hard to continue in that marriage.

    If you both choose forgiveness,it is a long and hard road ahead,it will not be sorted in one day…it will take time,patience,communication,openness and faith in God ….but it can be done….

    God bless you

  2. Follow your heart but give him more time to ascertain his level of change. Find out if it’s cosmetic change or thought after redress. But your marriage is important for the sake of your child. Don’t disclose about the paternity of the child to him so let him deal with it once and for all. If your marriage with him is meant to be, it will be.


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