Monday, January 20, 2020
Home Marriage After 10 Months Of Marriage -I Just Discovered Who I Married

After 10 Months Of Marriage -I Just Discovered Who I Married

Dear Jzhane,

Do you really help people with marriage problems? Can one actually make marriage work when your newly wedded wife is cheating in less than one year of marriage? I do not know the woman I married 10 months ago. I swear,I now live with a stranger…

My wife and I dated long distance for 2 and a half years before we got married. When we were about to get married,I got her a job here in Lagos. The job is with an advertising firm cos she read mass comm. Being a media person,I know how late work can be for them.

Many times,my wife will come home late,I had no reason to suspect her. She is a nice and well mannered person. And very intelligent. It did not take long for her to get promoted. With the promotion came a car but more traveling and meetings and all that.

I am an understanding husband,I do not feel insecure and I want my wife to succeed and reach her full potential. I will always support her career goals and ambitions.

You can imagine my surprise when my wife was fired from her job last December. I could not understand it. Her boss,an half American loved her…praised her ..she was his best staff.

My wife told me it was a misunderstanding,that the man’s wife saw her as a threat . Like she was growing too big and it was like the man could not do anything in the company without her. I believed my wife. I was pained.I could see she too was not happy but that is life. We are looking forward to her getting another job.

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And then,I was at the mall, just a few days to Christmas. I noticed a lady coming out of a branded vehicle. The vehicle was from my wife’s former office. I greeted the lady and she looked at me and asked if we knew each other before..

I said no but my wife used to work in that firm. She asked who my wife is,I told her: Gina. She looked at me in surprise and said :oh my God..so you are the husband of that slut…she apologized for her cursing but she said to me that my wife almost broke up her marriage.

This lady,also a black American seemed like a well traveled and educated lady told me she is the wife of the MD of my wife’s former company. She and her husband built the company together. They have a branch in America but they started the Nigerian branch together about 2 years ago.

That my wife came in,they liked her and trusted her. But when she went back to the US to continue managing the US brand,my wife and her husband started having an affair. To her,it was my wife that threw herself at him. She had text messages and whatsapp messages to prove that.

And she showed me the messages. Dirty sexting… I was shocked. I was ashamed. I was speechless. Of course,the lady found out and fired my wife when she returned. I told her I did not know. I asked her to forward the messages to me.

Getting home,I showed my wife the messages…she started crying. She said she does not know what happened to her..it started as an office flirting but they made a mistake by having s*x and she could not stop. And the man promised to make her head of the company when he returns to the US,so she wanted to please him at all cost…

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Now,I know why my wife was always coming home late and traveling. The only question I asked her was: was I not enough for her? Was I not a good husband?…she said I am a good husband but she fell for her boss charms…he was always being kind and romantic and caring..she could not explain herself…

My marriage is just 10 months…the affair lasted almost 3 months..truly,maybe I did not really know who I married because we dated for 2 and half years but we were in different cities…maybe that was her lifestyle but I never noticed.

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How does one recover from this kind of situation…I personally think our marriage is over…my wife is begging and she almost took her life. I see that she is sad and repentant but is she sad cos I found out? What if I never found out…I do not know if I could ever trust her again..

Will our marriage ever survive this…your group advice is welcome.

 

Thank you

 

Eddy (Not real name)

 

Lagos

 

Photo Credit:Her World

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

9 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Eddy,

    I agree with you on one thing,not sure you and your wife really knew each other before marriage.

    However,there is NEVER enough reason for cheating. Whether she was charmed or she wanted to climb to the top of her career…what she did was wrong.

    I want to think she got carried away by the boss and the fact that she was the hottest staff and wanted to maintain that status by all means.

    My advise: she is your wife…you saw something in her and decided to marry her. I pray that you will look beyond her flaws and find that one thing that made you fall in love with her and forgive her.

    She needs your forgiveness. Please forgive her. Sounds impossible…well, I think this might just be one of the biggest test of your life: to prove whether your vows to remain married for better or for worse is for real or not.

    You both should attend therapy together. See a professional to help address the root cause of her behavior,perhaps if that is identified,then you both can address it together and begin the process of healing together.

    I wish you both well…and I hope you both are able to overcome this and move forward with your lives.

    God bless you.

  2. Hmmm,women are really very strange ooo,sometimes I wonder why it is not better to remain single your wife mess up ,but the truth is that if she wasn’t caught she won’t have told you anything maybe God allow you to see who your wife really was because you wanted the best for your wife while she is snitching on you I would tell you too forgive her because you are already in the marriage already,that’s why is good to know who you marry before walking to the altar,probably get her another job this time put a close mark on her try to see if she fails again either way your wife did not try

  3. Hello sir,thanks for sharing. I truly share and feel ur pains. This occurring this early is painfully regrettable. It only shows an existing value system for her and probably her family. Take your time to process what has happened. Don’t be in a hurry. If possible give a space between both of you to enhance healing.
    We are humans brother, and humans are not infallible! Note her actions are not excusable but if truly she repented of her sins, pl give her a second chance. We can be overtaken. It’s too early to totally break up your home. The former boss and the wife are still together. Fight for your marriage. She may have a deep character flaw that may be related to a desperation to succeed and beat poverty, but forgive. Give her a second chance. Do proper medicals to play safe. If she throws trust to the dust again, you can find your way. You are indeed a good man and husband. Thanks

  4. Please forgive her. Her conscience will hurt her for the rest of her life as your wife. So she wont have the mind to ever cheat again. I find it difficult accepting women cheating marriage. God have Mercy.

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