This story is as shared by the author with her permission. We hope you all can draw strength and courage from her story. Stay tuned.
My Early Days.
I had just finished WAEC in June 1996 and turned seventeen with very high hopes . I headed to my brother’s house in Alaba area, Sabo Ajangbadi to be precise. I couldn’t wait to get into the university and come out the best Lawyer. I wrote jamb and got admission into UniIlorin.
Before the holiday ended, I met my Ex who happens to be in the same Alaba international market from the same town; Nanka. Well he toasted me and being a naive young girl, I told my sister in-law about it and she advised me to give him a chance seeing as I was already of age.
That was the beginning of a romantic relationship that lasted for months before my admission letter arrived. Just as I called it quits in Dec 1997 due to some attitudes I couldn’t bear, boom he came to my house, apologized and proposed to me.
” Will you marry me?” he said and I responded “yes but I must go to the university” and he goes again “Only if you can have two kids before going to school ” He said that his main reason for wanting to get married at 27 was because he is an only son of nine children.
After much persuasion I agreed, majorly because things were very tough for my family then. My father was late and my brothers weren’t so financially stable. I remember visiting my uncle who lived close to Illorin hoping he would help but he barely gave me enough to transport myself back to Lagos talk more of footing my academic bills. I had no option than to accept my fate, marry, give birth to two kids and be trained in school by my husband.
We wedded on the 27th of June 1998 and so my marital journey began. I gave birth to my first child ‘girl’, second child ‘girl’🤔. I got a jamb form, wrote the exam and got 247. The cut off for law was 248 yet Lagos indigenes with 204 got admission.
I kept trying although he never supported my academic ambition. The much awaited son arrived, there was celebration in the air. In all this, I wasn’t a happy woman…I didn’t realize my dream of a romantic marriage.
I had read a lot of Pecetters ( love stories) and even Mill’s & Boon as a teenager, I had high expectations about love. In the few months we dated he was very funny and told me a lot of jokes but surprisingly after the marriage proper he told me that we were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend that he is a typical traditional man.
I thought he was joking but he stopped gisting and playing with me and started acting like Okonkwo in Chinua Achebe’s “Things Fall Apart”. We hardly gist, he would come home, change his clothes and dash out to play draft or ludo with neighbors. I would wait till 10:30pm sometimes 11pm to serve his food. It was a hellish life.
I tried everything possible to make him my best friend to no avail. I would always call him darling but guess what he calls me ” Biaaaaa” As time went on, I realized that he was simply emulating his dad who is also the “almighty” in his home.
I started going to fellowships, all my prayer requests was that I become my husband’s friend. I was so committed in St Peter’s Anglican Church Ojo Alaba. I later moved to Gospel Anglican Church headed by Rev Iheanacho now a bishop. I also got committed there with the same prayer point.
I begged him to allow me join him in his business since I couldn’t get admission. After much palava, he allowed me to be coming out. A while after my fourth and last child arrived. I got involved in the business and gradually started building customer strength because most of the boys he had settled took over his customers and he decided to change his line of business.
He first started importing refrigerators, it flopped, he went into electronics for CD plates business, that also didn’t do well. As God would have it, I had built up his wire business so much that some importers were giving me up to 8 million naira worth of cables on credit.
Thereon, I advised that we build our own house and we started. I got admission to study English in Lasu part-time in same 2004/2005, it was war. He asked me to choose between going to school and my marriage. I chose school after long pleading to no avail.
His parents stepped in and even promised to set up my own business but I insisted,I couldn’t be the odd one in my family as we already had six graduates and my father wouldn’t be happy in his grave knowing that I didn’t get a degree.
I won but little did I know that the battle line was drawn from that day. He never concerned himself with anything relating to my studies. It was tough but I kept it going. Our relationship worsened and he wasn’t anything near a great companion.
I joined his sister in Christ Embassy and my life began to have a meaning. Those messages of faith and God’s love for me did the magic. I cried less, became bolder and happier. One could tell that something was happening in my life.
Thank you pastor Ovo Okagbere of the then Christ Embassy Ajangbadi for bringing out the best in me. He taught me God’s word like never before. My life completely changed to the amazement of all. I began to learn that that” God’s thoughts for us are thoughts of good not of evil”. “He wishes above all that we prosper and be in good health even as our soul prospers” my faith level was next to none.
That marked my period of awakening. I began to accept that marriage is not really a do or die affair. I got a completely different mindset.
We continued building our house, it was a two storey building at Showemimo street, Sabo Ajangbadi. I would always calculate our profit and then channel it into the building while we kept servicing our debt and collecting more.
Towards the end of the building project, his mum came over to Lagos for a medical check up and asked what I’m waiting for to have another child. I told her I was done having kids and that didn’t go down well with her. That was the beginning of the series of problems that ended the marriage.
As shared by Nonso N Obijiofor